... and the two shall become one

In the book of Genesis, God tells Adam that man will leave his father and mother and join together with his wife and become one flesh. If you go to Bible Gateway and look up "become one flesh" there's a good smattering of results from both the old and new testaments. If you're interested you can look here.

This is actually relevant :) This weekend I was talking to a roommate who admitted that she had only just recently come to terms with the fact that just because my relationship doesn't look the way she would want hers to doesn't mean it's inherently wrong. It would be wrong for her, but since my relationship is actually exactly what I want it's perfectly ok to be right for me.

See, my roommate sincerely can't imagine a life in which she doesn't have a separate bank account from her husband, or in which she doesn't do at least a solid chunk of the driving when in the car. I, on the other hand, can't imagine not having the same bank account as my husband or ever being expected to drive (though my beloved has a questionable- at best- driving record).

Basically, she realized that we want very separate things. She doesn't want a relationship in which she blends into her husband and loses her independence and individuality. To her it's a major turn-off to be in a relationship in which she becomes one with her husband, and it made her rather uncomfortable to see me beginning to already have my identity blend with Jason's in such a way that I was melding into one with him. That, to her was extremely unsetttling because it simply isn't something she would ever want. But she finally realized that just because she doesn't want it, I do, and that I'm happy and would never desire what she wants.

This made me wonder- why do I want to have a marriage where I blend into one with my husband in so many ways? I can't imagine a marriage where I would be anything but completely operating as one unit in every applicable way (obviously there are areas where we still have separate lives, like certain friendships and such, but you get the point). Also, once Jas finishes law school and we're ready, I want to be a stay-at-home mom and raise a big family (we plan to adopt at least two, but we want six kids. We already know their names!). The roommate not only doesn't want that, but would most likely hate it and would never marry a man who would want her to stay home.

So, again, why do I want these things? I didn't even know people actually had marriages with separate checking accounts (and a joint house account, but still... to me, marriage is not "my money" and "your money"-- it's "our money". Jas actually once insinuated that soon enough I'll be spending all his money and he quickly learned that you just don't say that to the woman you plan to marry; at least, not if she's Tami Lee Keyser!). I realized that most of my closest friends are like-minded in this aspect, notably my three closest friends from college. But what led me to think this way? Is it my upbringing? My dad always drives, my parents share a checking account... so what is it?

Then I realized that in God's Word he tells a man to leave his mother and father and become one flesh with his wife. This doesn't just mean sexually- obviously the man wasn't sexually one with his mother and father premaritally. It means one heart, one mind, one goal. The same hopes and dreams. Like minded on issues of parenting, finances, ministry, and spiritual matters in general. One. That is, to me, truly the beauty of marriage. Obviously it is a process, to become one with another person after what will have been nearly 26 years of looking after only myself, but the best part is that it's not just two mere humans trying to force themselves into this awkward mess that is the ambiguous "one"-- we will have Jesus Christ knitting us together!

And, speaking of Jesus-- I love Him so much. I am in awe of who He is and all He has done. I'll give an entry on that soon enough! Suffice it to say, I love becoming one with Jason and I love that God has written it on my heart to do so, and that I know it is part of living according to God's Word to do so!