It Would be a Lie to Run Away

[The Cure for Pain, Jon Foreman, Spring EP]

We don't check in on here nearly enough. I (Tami) have my blog about my battle with sin and obesity that I update multiple times a week, and Jason is in the midst of super-busy pool season so his time for writing is about zilch. That said, for those who attempt to keep up with us via this lovefest of a blog, we should update you on life :)

We've spoken of it before, but we go to Mars Hill Church in Seattle now. We love it because the doctrine is sound, Jesus is preeminent, and the focus is on loving people and loving culture so that more can come to Christ. It's not about a happy-clappy Christian bubble where everyone has their tight-nit niche of friends and Jesus never travels farther than the next Christian-family gathering backyard barbeque. I used to think that was the goal of Christianity, but it's not. The goal is to love Jesus, live for Jesus, love others, and share Jesus with them so they can do the same. We became members and are prayerfully pursuing leadership of a community group.

We currently live in Bothell, a suburb about a half hour from the campus we attend in Ballard, and Jesus has captured our hearts for our beloved Seattle, so we're moving into the city! In mid-June we're going to be moving into a MIL unit of a godly couple from the church. He's a deacon over community groups and she's also in that ministry with him. He'll start training Jason up to lead and we really anticipate them being a couple in love with Jesus whom we can have true fellowship with. It's near Green Lake, a few blocks from the Zoo (woo-hoo!) and only about 10 minutes from the church. We're absolutely thrilled for the direction Jesus is taking our lives.

I'll post a few pics of our (soon to be) new digs, as well as my absolute favorite new pic of Seattle.

Thanks for the love!

Captions are below each pic ;)

The outside entrance- we get to use the driveway! I can't wait to buy a sweet gas grill and grill every night all summer long!

The lovely (HUGE!!) kitchen. We love to cook fresh, natural foods so this will be glorious :)

The entrance- look at the great natural light! It's only about 3 years old so everything is in great shape, like new windows, doors, great carpet, etc.

Isn't it beautiful? I can't wait to call this place home :)



Isn't this pic amazing? I love it. I stumbled across it on the web, so know that we didn't take it. Something about it realy resonates with me- the majesty of God over the city of Seattle, and the pillars of strength in Jesus that the city is so desperate for, so that His name can become great here. One day every knee will bow and every tongue confess Jesus is Lord- I just pray as many Seattleites as possible do so before it's the day they face judgment.

It Just So Happened

I just can't get over something- I frequently listen to podcasts at work of sermons from my pastor and last week I started listening to the series he preached on Ruth.

One of the things that I just can't get out of my head is where Ruth ends up in the field of a kinsman redeemer- one of the only men who could marry her and restore their family, quite the equivalent of finding the back of your earring that fell out yesterday and you have to go everywhere you went and hope it's still there. As most may know, Ruth ends up being (I believe) grandmother to David, but far more important is the fact that she was in the direct lineage of Jesus Christ... I'd say that is the equivalent of amazing.

Pastor Mark pointed out is how the Lord is so intimately involved in every detail of our lives. What is beautiful about this is that he used the language of the Bible to really emphasize this- it just so happened was a phrase that he used again and again.

I love this, because things in my life seem so utterly random, and often come from heartache or at least adversity. I did TFA largely in part because I was deeply hurt by a church and needed a fresh start. I met Jason as a result of not getting a job that I was supposed to have. Jas and I are going to an amazing church because the Lord used problems at our previous church to reach out to Him. Some of the most tangible growth in our life as a married couple has grown out of a heartbreaking family situation where we were completely... well, wronged.

This all seems so coincidental, mere happenstance, and yet the hand of God never ceases to amaze me- it just so happened that I was hurt, that I was rejected, that I was robbed spiritually by weak leaders. It just so happened that the Lord turned what man intended for evil (whether it was under a cloak of spirituality that even the perpetrator fell for) into being useful for good. It just so happened that the Lord has used my own sins and errors and used them for good. I will never get over this- the Lord, Jesus Christ, is far more powerful and able than I will ever begin to understand, and He alone is worthy of my worship.

I don't need to whine about a job I don't like, a relationship I'd rather not deal with, a material possession that isn't up to what I think I deserve. Instead, I can see that every circumstance is always part of a "it just so happened" that the Lord always uses to make me more into the woman He intends for me to be. I can say nothing other than a humble HALLELUJAH to that.

-Tami

I close my eyes and fly out of my mind...

... into the fire [Sunny Came Home, Shawn Colvin]

I would just like to say that burning down your house is more than a few small repairs, and in that same vein, to call it coming home with a vengeance is quite the understatement.

Only Becca P. will likely have any idea what I am talking about.

In other news, I really think today should be Thursday. My mind and body both think it's Thursday. To be quite frank, I was rather pissed off when I suddenly realized that it's only Wednesday.

Meh.

There really isn't a lot of purpose to this post, other than to say that Jason and I are well, and that we're just really busy. Because I like these things, let me share with you our normal week.

Monday: Up at 6:30 (Ok, I hit snooze from like 5:52 until 6:45. Bite me.), shower, quiet time, grab a bite to eat in truck, Jas drops me off at work. Work 8-5. Jas picks me up, we go straight to the gym, and usually get home between 7:30-8, depending on traffic, how full the gym was, etc. Monday's at the gym are always busy. Then we eat a salad (usually spinach and salmon, with various additives), do our Community Group Bible study together, read our Community Group book, pray together between 9:45 and 10, and try really hard to be in bed with the lights out at 10:15. Monday nights, btw, are no TV night. It's rather wonderful. This means that we watch American Gladiators later in the week, but next week is the finale so that's happy- less TV!

Tuesday: Same deal with getting up and work. Then, after work, we get home around 5:30, eat a quick dinner (usually something like stir fry that's all ready to just be cooked up real quick), and leave for Community Group (basically, the small groups at Mars Hill, our church) at about 6:40. We usually get home around 9. Then I try to squeeze in watching The Biggest Loser and American Idol before 10 as much as I can. This means that we usually get to bed around 11. Sometimes J watches the shows with me, and sometimes he putzes around on the internet under the premise that he's blogging. We pray and then it's sleepy time.

Wednesday: Wednesday is, for all intent and purpose, the same as Tuesday, except that we have Gospel Class at the Ballard campus of Mars Hill. This means we have to leave around 6:15 because it's in inner Seattle and we live in the suburban sprawl that is Bothelliarmus. We tend to get home close to 9, and I watch American Idol and I work on making J watch with me :)

Thursday: Pretty much the same as Monday, except that after the gym we get home, scarf down our salads, and then jet back out at about 8 to go watch Survivor and LOST with friends from our Young Married's group. We usually get home around 10:30 from that, and pretty much go right to bed.

Friday: Getting up and going to work is the same as every other day, and then once we get home around 5:30 it just depends on the week. On the first and third Friday of each month we have our Young Married's Bible Study. It's technically supposed to be a group from our old church, but over half of the couples don't go to that church, either, so it's just more of a bunch of people who love Jesus and one another. It's grand. On the non-YM's weeks, it's a blessed night off. We usually veg on the couch on those weeks, grateful that we got through another busy week, and grateful to just be together, resting. These nights tend to include lots of Law and Order- both the original and SVU. Oh, and Celebrity Apprentice, because it rocks. We still aim to get to bed by about 11-ish.

Saturday: We try to get up by about 8. J is better at this... I tend toward 9, and if we stayed up too late on Friday, then closer to 10. Jas works lunch shift delivering food, so he tries to go to the gym to swim in the morning beforehand (his shift starts toward 11, but varies), and I usually do a DVD at home to get in a solid cardio workout. He usually doesn't get home until about 3, sometimes 4, so I try to clean the apartment. If I'm lazy then I just veg on the couch and catch up on shows from the week that we didn't have time to watch that J doesn't care about (think ANTM). I try to be good about not doing that, though. Once J gets home, we usually leave again by 6 at the latest to go shopping at Trader Joe's for the weeks grocery run, and then Saturday night is date night. If money flow is decent, we might go out, but we usually tend to make a yummy (healthy) dinner and do a Netflix. Once again, the aim for bed is 11, but tends toward midnight on Saturdays.

Sunday: We just recently decided to start attending the 9am service at church, which means we have to be up and showered and out the door by 8:15. This weekend, however, we are starting to serve as greeters, and for that we have to be there at 8:20 to pray first, so we need to leave by 7:40. YUCK. Greeting is every other week, so that's nice. We were going to the 11, but J loves getting out of church at 10:30. After church, we stop at Costco and get a rotisserie chicken and usually milk :) Then we go home, eat the drumsticks off the chicken for lunch (and J eats the wings because he LOVES them), and then I use the breast to make a chicken salad that then becomes our pre-workout meals that we eat on Mon & Thurs around 5 so that we don't pass out during our workout. I should put the general recipe on my foode blog because it's yummy and healthy. Maybe sometime :) Anyway, usually we would watch football... my life is now empty and I dunno what we'll do on those afternoons. Maybe play board games, or if it's not raining, we'll go for a walk.

[Insert: That's right, it rains in Seattle CONSTANTLY. It sucks. So don't move here. Ever. Does that scare you away? I hope so. And please tell all your friends, especially if they are from out of state.]

Jas just recently decided to work his food delivery job on Sunday evenings to help out a little financially, so that will likely be from 4-9 most Sundays. I'm not sure what I'll do. Probably get meals all prepped for quick cooking for the week. And watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition b/c I LOVE it!! Then we'll go to bed around 10 and Monday it will start all over.

I told you we are busy. And for Jas, until May, he does all of his pools during the first week of the month, and then after that he cleans his weekly units on Thursdays and does lunch shifts delivering food all of the other days. On those days he goes to Starbucks to read after he drops me off at work, does his lunch shift, then either cleans a few leftover pools he didn't didn't get to in the first month, or goes home, ostensibly to clean up a little and get in some blogging. Usually this means he reads about politics for hours on end until it's time to come pick me up.

Whew! That's our life. Ugh. It makes me tired just to write about it. I'm sure others are just as, if not more, busy. But now you know :)

PS We can't wait for The Office to come back, and possibly Heroes. Plus, I miss Grey's Anatomy. Not like a heck ton, but I do miss it.

I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes

[Wires, Athlete]

Just a short and sweetie :)

It's almost October! It's my absolute favorite month ever. I love the way the air is changing, with that crispy crunch that sneaks into my lungs when I breathe in. The daylight is a little shorter, thus lengthening hours conducive to snuggling with my man.

In other news, yes, my big 2-6 is quickly approaching. I'm excited. I think wonderful things will happen during my year on this earth marked by twenty-six notches. I like even numbers better than odd numbers, which makes 26 far superior to 25 (no offense, 25- I know we have 19 days left together).

October 16 seriously is a great day. I like the roundness in it- October has a lot of rounded letters, and then the 6 just really polishes everything off. Plus, my birthday seriously turns up a LOT in books and movies and such. Example: just in the last 2 days Becca wrote me to tell me that Sweeney Todd's (fictional character, soon to be immortalized onscreen by the incomparable Johnny Depp) birthday is October 16, and then I was reading my current novel of choice, Farenheit 451, and it references October 16 as the day some heretical man was burned at the stake in I think 1555.

So... my birthday commemorates the birth of a serial killer and the death of a man burned at the stake.

I told you it was a great day.

When you figure out that love is all that matters after all...

... it sure makes everything else seem so small [So Small, Carrie Underwood]

This entry is mature. Not dirty or inappropriate, but mature, so be forewarned and decide for yourself whether to proceed.

Tonight seemed normal enough- Jason and I snuggled into bed, and we read our respective novels. He just finished the last Harry Potter, and started 1984, which just so happens to be the novel I finished last week. Tonight I was in the last third of Francine Rivers' The Scarlet Thread. He went to sleep before me, because true to Francine's normal form I couldn't put the book down.

After a dozen or so rounds of the "ok, seriously, this is the LAST chapter" game that I oft play when reading at night, I stopped in the middle of a paragraph and just gazed at my sleeping husband. I was overcome with... well, true as it may be, it feels insignificant to call it this... a rush of emotion. Drinking in his dark features on smooth skin, the lay of his lashes, the strength in his forehead, the curve in his lips, overwhelmed me for a moment. I was overwhelmed with how selfish and closed off to him I can be when his sole desire is for all of me. He has visions of romantic showers, for example, and tonight was the Tami-sighing-impatiently-because-Jason-is-in-her-space show. Not my finest moments.

But stretched out next to him, feeling the warmth of his body next to mine and knowing that I'll never sleep the same way again without him next to me, all I could think about was how wonderful my life is because he is woven into every part of it. I turned off my lamp and intended to simply rest my head on his chest and sleep, but I found my fingers tracing his every curve, as if memorizing his shape. I love the way his muscles feel under the flesh of his arms, the way they are so strong and sure even in a resting state. I love the smoothness of his skin- softer than I excepted in a man. I love listening to his heart beat and the sharpness in that glorious bone on his hips.

In my mental husband body map-making, I found him stirring awake and myself crying. I see the vision of the wife I want to be- soft, vulnerable and open, strength defined by humility- and for fleeting moments I think I'm beginning to become her in some deep place. That quickly brings on anguish for the... less wonderful moments that having such an independent personality as my own can bring. As he awoke more and more my tears caught him off guard- I cry at commercials but almost never at my own circumstances- and in a glorious wave of beauty we ended up making the most beautiful love of our married life to date.

It occurred to me afterward that for the first time I really contemplated the beauty in the physical manifestation of two becoming one, woman bringing a man's most sensitive organ into her most intimate place. It wasn't about raw passion and sensual pleasure, but about the symbolism of letting him in. A friend once told me that in her marriage it can be difficult at times to climax not because of the quality of the act, but because of the vulnerability required of the woman to let her husband have access to all of her in those moments- physically, yes, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I never thought I would relate to that, but now I do. It's one thing to just give over to sheer physical pleasure, but another to actually allow a flower bedecked with petals composed of all parts of yourself to bloom under his leading.

We've only been married for two and a half weeks, but the Lord is quickly putting our faith to the test. As previously mentioned, we're studying James, and I love the way the NLT Bible puts these verses:

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. James 1:2&3

Despite being careful with our budget... well, ok, our "budget" is currently to only buy what is absolutely necessary... and my consistent searching for and pursuing of a job, we're in a tough spot financially. My car broke down nearly two months ago, so we have poured nearly a thousand dollars into it, and now it runs worse than when we took it to the shop- so poorly, in fact, that while we could drive it before now we can't do anything until there's money to fix it. At nearly $200 for the diagnostic tests, $70 an hour for labor, and then parts, that makes it tough. Even if I had a full-time job it's a costly fix. The principal where I interviewed two weeks ago told me she absolutely loved me and was utterly impressed with me- but she offered the job to a man with "just a little more experience" than me. That has been the situation, but then this morning the starter went out on Jason's truck. We've been feeling the heat, and it feels like it just keeps getting turned up!

There is hope of a half-time teaching position with a local high school, with additional opportunities in the school via subbing, but that's not a guarantee even with the aforementioned principal saying she was sending my name over for that job. The guy with my car finally brought it back tonight and gave Jason advice on how to get to his starter (long story, but after many hours in the cold and grease stains on his arms that didn't scrub off in the shower, he couldn't get to the top bolt because the drive shaft is in the way). There are opportunities and there is always hope, but it's hard to keep our heads up when bills are due next week and we face having to ask for help, which both of us despise having to do.

In all of this, however, our spiritual life is flourishing. We are getting plugged into a young marrieds group through our church and we have been blessed to find that the people there truly want to love Jesus and not just have a social network; we're seeing the Lord really work in our church and we are getting more deeply involved in ministry there, primarily in the youth ministry where God is clearly leading us to join with the youth minister and to work on a team of people where our individual talents are really utilized and we impact this community for Christ.

I can also write with bold humility (not an oxy moron) that we have been faithful to tithe and even give offerings beyond tithing even when human wisdom would say to use that money on our bills. Yet we have full confidence in our Lord that it's His money, not ours, and that He does not ask for sacrifice so much as obedience, and He will pour out His blessing on those who bring the tithe into His storehouse (local church body). This doesn't mean that tomorrow a $100,000 check will land in our mailbox and pay off all debt and give us a healthy savings account, or even that any money will come our way. We yearn for spiritual blessings- deeper faith, opportunities to share of how the Lord is moving- far more than just money, because money is the easy answer but not necessarily the best answer.

I love this Carrie Underwood song, because it would be easy to get our eyes on these trials, and to think they matter so much more than they do. We want to learn from them, to continue to trust God as He turns up the heat as we question if we're really ready for the oven, and to come out with the dross burned off so that we more purely represent the image of Jesus Christ when inspected. But with all of this, I think of my husband, and our love, and I know that though these trials can at times lead to sour dispositions, they really are trivial compared to what live would be like without him in it.

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole
While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, and when you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else seem
So small

You know something else I love about Jason? We have a king sized bed, yet he always sleeps on my side, and almost every morning asks me if he stayed close and didn't roll away during the night. Those are the kinds of things that I'll remember in 20 years, not what our financial situation was at the time.

I got up to write this because I couldn't sleep- the words kept tumbling around in my mind; the clanking of them colliding into one another kept sleep at bay. But now, it's written, and I long to snuggle back into my wonderful husband's slumbering and warm body.

This is the last night you'll spend alone

[The Last Night, Skillet]

Life is so great right now! We love being married. We're discovering simply how good and hard married life can be. You never realize how selfish you are until you are married and really need to put the other person above yourself consistently. But we love one another deeply and I have so much respect for him as such an amazing man.

He went to an open house at the law school he is hoping to attend, but I'll let him write about that later.

One last little tidbit is that we went to our first Young Marrieds Bible Study last night and it was awesome. It was such a blessing to be surrounded by people our age who love the Lord and are at a similar place in life. We are so blessed by what God is doing in us right now. I need a job, and we need me to have reliable transportation, but we're embracing it as a chance to see God, to find His will, to ask for and receive His wisdom, to testify of His work in our lives to the world around us, and most of all, to grow deeper in our relationship with Him. It's a trial, and it's trying at times, but we rejoice in the opportunity for our endurance to grow.

Most wonderful of all is that the Bible study is in the book of James. Go give the first 7 or so verses of chapter one a look and you'll see how beautifully it fits into our lives right now :)

It's been awhile...

Ok, so it's been like 85 years since we updated. Or two and half weeks. Whatever :)

The wedding was beautiful and perfect. The best part was just having so many people who mean so much to us all in the same place at the same time. It was just the biggest blessing to see people every phase of our lives all together, getting to know each other and finding that they have more in common than just mutual acquaintance with the two of us.

The honeymoon was also perfect- we stayed at a super nice room in Bellevue the first night, and since it was our wedding night they upgraded us for free to a room WAAAAAAY nicer than anything we would ever pay for! Then we went to Ocean Shores, and I remembered just how much I love the Pacific Ocean. It has a majesty about it that I can't explain, a quiet power that I am in awe of. One cool thing about the beach there, though, is that in the non-peak season you can drive right on the beach. That was awesome, since it was kind of too cold for walking on the beach. So we slowly drove and just enjoyed the sand and surf.

One note is that a very crafty little matron of honor wrote "Honk 4 Sex" on the two rear windows of our rental car, so Saturday night we kept getting honked at and just assumed people were randomly congratulating us on our nuptials. This message, however, was REALLY embarrassing for Jason when he dropped me off at my job interview Monday afternoon- at a high school, right at the front entrance, and just as school was getting out, so EVERYONE saw it. He was a bit mortified, to say the least. He was really annoyed when I asked why he didn't just roll those windows down, but the adorable man was so perturbed at the situation that he just decided to speedily go park way out of the vicinity of the kids. :)

So beyond that, we're just settling in. I'm still trying to get a job, and we're trusting God through an extremely frustrating broken car situation. We're getting involved with the high schoolers at church and just seeking to live a life of purpose as two-becoming-one and no longer as mere individuals.

So... enjoy a couple of honeymoon pics- wedding pics will come but we haven't seen them yet either, so be patient!

Note: the mark on his neck is not a burn ;)

So you might be a rock star if...

So some new clothes that I ordered online (for nearly 70% off-- BOO YAH! Though Jason says that they're just grossly marked up so a 70% sale means you're really just getting prices for closer to what the store payed for them... bluh-blah-blah-BLAH) arrived today.

I went a little out of my comfort zone and ordered a few items that aren't quite in my normal array of clothing choices.

Jas walked into the apartment, saw me walk out of the bathroom where I had been examining myself in the mirror, and literally RAN over to me, while letting out yips of glee, in order to hug me and tell me how incredible I looked.

So... yeah. Looks like I have a good excuse to be doing some more shopping.

:)

One week and one day...

Soon and very soon...

The big day is barely over a week away.

Oy.

Between items getting shipped to the wrong place, me realizing that there are 90 million little details that have to be written to a T, and job hunting (plus Jason pulling in 90 hour work weeks to fund the wedding while I am between jobs)... things are CRAZY.

So, the twenty second update:

Tomorrow I am interviewing with a local nanny agency and to do contract (1 year long) work with the world's largest software company. In addition, I'm applying to teach high school social studies (a local job sort of fell onto my lap, which is the only way I said I would consider teaching). There are options, and who knows if God's best is for any one of them to work out.

We're both looking to get involved with the Youth Group at Church, and our first young marrieds event is this Sunday-- BaconFest 3. Jason just about passed out when he found out that we get to be judges, lol.

So that's that! I need to get back to work now, though, so I hope you all are well! Please say hi and let us know how you are doing!

In the arms of Your mercy I find rest

[East to West, Casting Crowns]

SO much has been happening... I know I've done a terrible job of updating! We've really been that busy. Just thing after thing after thing to be done... ugh! But it's good, and it's for such a wonderful purpose- we're en route to becoming man and wife!

I feel like there must be really wonderful, insightful, meaningful things to say... but, if there are, they seem to have escaped me :) So, suffice it to say that I LOVE this new song (the one referenced in the title) because I so often relate to it's message- the feeling of being just one more mistake away from belonging to Christ at all. But instead, I am reminded that Jesus removes my sin as far as the east is from the west- they never meet. I am not defined by my sin. Such a needed reminder.

In other news... Jason has a very exciting story to tell. I think it's puh-retty stinking awesome, too, but I'll wait for him to be able to tell it because I think he'll just really love that :)

Other than that, life is wonderful, I love every second of planning the day that will end with me becoming the wife of my favorite man in the world, and I am increasingly blessed day by day to grow more intimate with Christ. I won't pretend there aren't trying moments, but overall I simply have a wonderful life.

Praise be to God :) I'll try to promise another update by next Thursday! No more slacking! Boooooo!